Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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