Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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