I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
