mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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