I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My pussy is not your playground.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
