I'm going to jail i love you
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
