im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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