you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
