I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
