At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My bed smells like the plague
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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