dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
