I feel great
I just peed on a car
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
