I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
