very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
