i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
