..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
