she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
