She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Your cock deserves a montage
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
