i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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