I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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