so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
this boner is exhausting
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
