Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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