the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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