So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i think i just lost a toe
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
