can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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