Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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