That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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