What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
