im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
