Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
