Can i not drive my cunt home
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
