Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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