im drinking this country out of the recession.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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