I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
