the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
