I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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