laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
