I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
