i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
