Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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