i permit you to call me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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