Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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