When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
