If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
