talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
