Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
