That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
