that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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