Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I need moral support for this bender
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
