I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
