Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
